Monday, June 18, 2012

Horror author Edward Lorn on his new novel 'Dastardly Bastard'

1.) Edward, you're on a blog tour this month for your new novel Dastardly Bastard. Can you tell us a little about the novel, and yourself as a writer?

Dastardly Bastard revolves around a group of seven unique people taking a tour of Waverly Chasm. Each person must deal with what awaits them on the trail in their own way. The underlying theme is memories and how they affect one’s life.

I don't consider myself a writer, so much as a storyteller. I've been telling stories since before I could write well enough to convey my thoughts. I remember loving Show and Tell when I was a kid. When I was six years old, I told my first grade class that my baby brother had passed away suddenly in his sleep. I had the entire class bawling, the teacher included. I did not, in fact, have a baby brother. But the class didn't know that. When my teacher called to give my mother her condolences, alas, my precious story was destroyed, along with my backside once Mom got off the phone. Of course, the punishment was well deserved. That teacher advised my mother to start making me write this stuff down. Thank you, Mrs. Kratz. Wherever you are.

2.) Do you consider yourself a "dastardly bastard?"

All authors are sneaky sorts. Any of them worth their salt, anyway. So yes, I fit the "dastardly" side of the equation. But with "bastard", the plot thickens. Two little known definitions of "Bastard" are “something irregular,” and “something unusual.” I like both. In that sense, I am most definitely a "Dastardly Bastard". But no, I am not someone's conniving, illegitimate child.

3.) Who are some of your favorite authors?

Stephen King and Richard Laymon have molded me into the writer I am today, but I also enjoy Dean R. Koontz — when he dropped the R., he lost something special—Bentley Little, and Stephen Laws.

4.) Do you consider horror a necessary genre for today's world and today's readers?

To relate to a reader, you must first make them care about your story and characters. With love, comes worry. You don't want anything bad to happen to the people you care about, real or fictional. But what's a story without conflict? You must have something that scares your reader to make your story mean something, to give it purpose. Nothing does that better than an element of fear.

5.) I've seen your blog: What's wrong with microwaving Pop Tarts?

Okay, let's break this down logically.

First, the name "Pop Tart" is indicative of the action performed by the tart. It "pops" from the toaster when the pastry is ready to be consumed.

Second, Pop Tarts are packaged — even in their generic, knock-off form — in aluminum foil. Kellogg's is telling us, subliminally, that these pastries should not be put into the microwave. We're all taught at a young age that metal and microwaves do not mix. The combination equals combustion. If your parental figures missed teaching this important life lesson, you've figured it out on your own, and possibly had to buy a new appliance for your efforts.

Third, as I pointed out in the blog, microwaving Pop Tarts is part of what's wrong with our society as a whole. It takes me two minutes and thirty-seven seconds to toast a Pop Tart to my liking, and I enjoy them a little well done — if “well done” is even the proper terminology here. The microwave instructions state: three seconds on high. Who doesn't have three minutes in their everyday life to toast a Pop Tart? Whoever these individuals are, I feel a great deal of sympathy for them. So I would like to replace "Stop and smell the roses" with the more modern-friendly, "Stop and toast your Pop Tart."

Lastly, Mara McBain, author of Club Justice, commented on my post, asking, "What if you don't have a toaster?" That one killed me. If you don't have a toaster, don't buy Pop Tarts. I liken that to purchasing tires when you don't own a car. Sure, you can make a nifty swing out of a tire, but that's not the manufacturer’s original intention.

6.) Chicken, fish, pork or beef? Or ... tofu?

I'll take the House Special, please. But you can hold the tofu. No need to kill any innocent soy beans just to please my palate.

7.) Your phone rings and you answer. On the other end is a voice identifying itself as belonging to Stephen King. Much as he did with Peter Straub, he wants to collaborate with you on his next book. What is your initial response?

Do you want the first chapter, or can I have it?

For more on author Edward Lorn and his novel Dastardly Bastard, please check out:
The Dastardly Blog Tour page
The Dastardly Bastard Amazon page
The Dastardly Bastard Barnes & Noble page
The Dastardly Bastard Smashwords page
a Rafflecopter giveaway


EdwardLorn said...

Thanks for having me, Ty! You give good interview, brother ;)

Charles Gramlich said...

Fun interview. Luck to Edward.

Adriana Noir said...

Great interview! The Q & A were both unique and fun to read. Best of luck to Edward.